Motivating thoughts for victims
Oftentimes, we as victims find it hard to hold onto what that means. We're so entrenched in blaming ourselves for what happened that even when we know in our heads that we were NOT responsible - that we were abused by someone with power we had been taught not to resist - we still feel a sense of responsibility. That causes us to doubt the rightness of taking action against the perpetrator. The following thoughts, most of which come from other victims - may help. Please note: there are some references to the Bible in these thoughts, because it is important that clergy are held to the standard they profess to follow.
Perpetrators are often the type of person who specialize in coming out a winner, where most victims are accommodating, helper sorts. They wouldn't dream of taking advantage of someone or exploiting them.
The Bible refers to the body as being "the temple of the spirit." So, fancy telling all these priests they've been desecrating temples and haven't even known it?
The Bible says that God said, "What ye do to the least of those among you, ye do also unto me."
These men sign into a vocation that says they are supposed to help people, not exploit them in private to prop up their egos.
I still love him. Yet I cannot let the fact I love the man cause me to remain oblivious to the fact he has done great damage as a priest.
You may in fact be doing the most loving thing in the world in causing the one who abused you to have to come face-to-face with the damage he's done to you and others. You're compelling him to get the help he really needs because he won't be able to run away from himself anymore.
The fact you are sparing others suffering at his hands may console you enormously.
The fact this problem is and has been the subject (or a casual mention) of so many television shows, books, plays and movies is what disturbs me most. It says this problem has been around an awful long time and that the Catholic Church and others have looked the other way.
Where the abuser is himself a victim of abuse: at some point decisions are made to either reject that behavior or go with it. And for those who decide to be as those who abused them, they are choosing to perpetuate evil and there is NO good excuse for this ever!
They know they are doing wrong or they wouldn't work so hard to keep the behavior covered up.
When they've gone through rigorous moral training over many years, it's my opinion they have fewer excuses for their conduct than anyone else.
I believe the only way this problem will ever be stopped is by continually exposing it and the people who perpetuate it.
"Most people who brainwash...use methods similar to those of prison guards who recognize that physical control is never easily accomplished without the cooperation of the prisoner. The most effective way to gain that cooperation is through subversive manipulation of the mind and feelings of the victim, who then becomes a psychological, as well as a physical, prisoner." In other words, it is possible to manipulate the mind of someone until they want whatever it is, but THAT DOES NOT MEAN THEY CONSENT.
For Catholics (whose priests are supposedly celibate etc.)
They go through intense training and psychological orientation and a weeding out process. They are given the option to leave the priesthood or recommit on a regular basis.
Our perps repeatedly returned to that "lonely life" after using others in private to bolster their ego and satisfy their frustrated sexuality.
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