Manipulation in churches
That’s a pretty broad topic heading, but I want to focus on the manipulation involved in “conversions”. Let’s look at two scenarios:
1) Newcomers attending church on Sundays, and how the congregation behaves towards them.
2) Individual church members “witnessing” to friends/acquaintances/etc.
Scenario 1
Doubtless most church members, or former church members, will recognise the “we must be more loving [or welcoming] to visitors” angst. But my question is, what is the purpose behind this? In Christian doctrine, love is supposedly one of the “fruits of the Spirit”, and therefore something which grows as a result of a relationship with god. So human efforts to act more lovingly can only – in that understanding – be seen as human attempts to create something artificially that isn’t happening naturally. Thus the reason for being more loving/welcoming to visitors is not about being more godly, but about appearing to be more godly in order to not push visitors away, and keep them coming along to church. Why would Christians want this? Two reasons that I’ve heard being subtly or overtly expressed: a) because we want them to feel like we’re their friends, and b) because we want them to keep hearing “the word of god”. And it is in the combination of these that lies the manipulation. The more frequently a person hears a code of belief, the more likely they are to espouse it. That’s the basic principle behind brainwashing, and it’s not limited to brainwashing practices. It’s explicit in the Catholic Church’s boast “give me a child till they’re 7, and I’ll give you the man”. It’s the basis of parental concern over their children being taught at school by a gay teacher. It’s a clearly understood principle in all forms of teaching. And when you add to that the development of a social network (in creating friendships, that is), you add pressure. It becomes a situation (unspoken, usually) of “believe along with us, or we will not be able to maintain as deep or close a friendship with you”. That’s manipulation through subtle emotional blackmail.
Here’s the test question as to whether a parish’s niceness is manipulation or not: If someone comes along, and enjoys the parish’s niceness to them, but is quite outspokenly a non-believer and continues to be so, will the parish treat them just as nicely, and just as welcomingly and inclusively, for the rest of their life there?
Scenario 2
Again, church members or former church members will readily recognise the approach along the lines of “so-and-so is having a tough time right now. That’s just when they most need god, and so this is a god-sent opportunity to witness to them”. And yet no-one seems to question whether this is an appropriate time to attempt to convert them. It’s common knowledge that times of crisis are not when anyone should be making life-changing decisions, yet that’s exactly the time that Christians think most opportune for conversion. Why? Because it is! When someone is vulnerable – through stress, or grief, or trauma of some kind – is exactly when they’re most likely to make a decision without fully grasping the implications. Salesmen know that, and use it to their advantage. Christians should not!
Here’s the test question for this scenario: in doing things for the distressed person, is the Christian doing or saying anything that carries the implication of wanting the distressed person to change their beliefs?
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And here’s a thought for two possible overall tests as to whether there’s manipulation going on: 1) is the original thing that attracts someone to whatever-it-is the thing they ultimately have to agree to in order to belong/comply? and 2) is the initial approach one of offering something (for free, or at a bargain price) followed by having to sign up for something you’ll pay for (in money, time, or other “currency”)?
Manipulation is bad wherever you come across it. Manipulation by supposedly loving people is worse. And manipulation that carries a threat of eternal damnation if you don’t comply is just plain evil.