This morning I woke from a nightmare about an argument with people from St David’s (the church where I was abused) about why I don’t go to church. And as I lay in bed with my nerves and pulse rate gradually steadying, I mused on what upset my equilibrium enough to cause the dream. It was this: yesterday, I had two encounters with conservative theology. Yes - that’s all it took to give me a nightmare. Therein lies the sting of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). People say “just get over it” without any idea of the longterm effects. Here am I - 25 years past the abuse itself, 10+ years since I began to realise its impact, including 5+ years of therapy. And it still causes me nightmares - in this case just from two simple encounters, neither of which were very important in themselves.
Encounter no.1: My daughter (17yo) announced that she was going to bible study to learn a bit more about what they keep referring to at youth group meetings. Now, I have to tell you that my daughter (in her own words a few years ago) “doesn’t do religion”. And I think that learning about a book that a) is a great piece of literature, and b) is constantly referred to in our culture (though not so constantly as it used to be), is a good thing. But the church through which she’s doing this is a Baptist one, and I know their theology is generally conservative. So alarm bells rang, because I know how insider conservatives would see her action. It would be “This is great! A non-Christian, who’s been coming to youth group for ages for the fun, is now starting to be led deeper into the joys of our faith in Jesus, and coming to bible study. The Lord is really calling her.” And they would step up their efforts to save her from hell, both through prayer and subtle pressure. And because I know just how hard it is to recover from years in conservatism, I was alarmed.
Encounter no.2: A Salt Shakers newsletter comment on the recent Anti-Discrimination Tribunal decision re homosexual foster carers was forwarded to an email list I belong to. Salt Shakers claims to be “an independent, trans-denominational ministry…dedicated to helping Christians understand the times (1 Chronicles 12: 32) and equipping them to be SALT and LIGHT in the community (Matthew 5: 13-16) by upholding Biblical values and by being more aware of the ethical issues affecting today’s society.” (www.saltshakers.org.au) Even that much would tell most churchgoers that this organisation has conservative beliefs. The fact that they began of Baptist origins is no surprise, therefore. (This isn’t meant to be an anti-Baptist rant - it just so happens that both incidents have Baptist connections.) The full decision of the ADT is available here but may be summarised as - Wesley Dalmar, an agency of the Uniting Church (UCA), refused an application from a gay couple to be foster carers. The couple alleged discrimination on the grounds of homosexuality, and the ADT upheld their claim - partly on the basis that, since the UCA has internal dissension on the issue of homosexuality, it can’t be construed as doctrine, and therefore isn’t covered by church exemption from the Anti-Discrimination Act.
This is part of Salt Shakers’ comment on the matter:
“This appalling decision, made by the NSW Tribunal, is itself blatantly discriminatory. It is saying that the long held religious beliefs and traditions are less important than the lifestyle choices of two men!… It also discriminates against the best interests of children. In many ways this decision is the Christian churches [sic] own fault because it has moved away from Biblical truth. This decision shows just how far this nation has moved towards calling evil good and good evil.
Initial analysis shows that:
Some of the findings create precedents that have far reaching ramifications for the whole Christian Church in Australia.
This case decision shows how tenuous any exemptions/exceptions to bad law are.
IF YOUR CHURCH is part of a denomination with even the slightest element of ‘liberal’ thinking – IT MAY BE TIME TO GET OUT!!
If your CHURCH does not have a stated Biblical position of ‘doctrine’ relating to homosexuality – agreed to by all your members - that could also place your Church in jeopardy.”
And what worries me about this - and conservative believers in general - is the emphasis on sameness. “Everyone must believe the same thing, otherwise we’re in danger.” “If you don’t believe what we do, then you’re wrong/unsaved/going to hell.” “The Bible says…”, with no allowance for differing interpretations of what the bible means. Such emphasis on sameness, and pressure to conform, is the opposite of freedom and the antithesis of the joyous individuality that a religion ought to promote.
And getting back to my nightmare and the PTSD it springs from - it’s very hard to say how much of the PTSD comes from the abuse, and how much comes from the traumatic treatment by church members at a time when I was seeking to break free from the domination of conservative theology. But one thing I do know - that recovering from that kind of spiritual domination is extraordinarily difficult, and frighteningly long in process. Which is why I argue that such views, in their attempts to become mainstream through influence in politics, are far more dangerous than many non-believers would credit. Because religion mixed with a dose of fanatacism ultimately leads to war.